Review: House of Banquet

I am a simple man. On Sundays, unless I've committed to beaten eggs in my Calphalon, I'm crazy for the cuisines of the Far East -- particularly those heavy on the dumplings. Doing errands on foot and on the early side yesterday, I sought out the sit-down places of inner Clement. After a false start across the street (dim sum for take-out, or for taking into a separate seating area, meh), I ended up at House of Banquet, a double-decked establishment that I never conceived of visiting before.

The hostess sees me coming and opens the door to let me in. She smiles when I ask if dim sum was being served. "Upstairs," she said. "Every day." OK, sold. I head up.

As you can see from this image, courtesy of House of Banquet's Web site, you could have a little fun with the dining room's interior desecration. Gold drapes over mirrors, octagon-shaped light wells, chairs in orange, blue or beige upholstery set off by a massive mural: all the design touches of Johan van der Smut, a Dutch scalawag better known as Goldmember. At the very least it's stimulating. The piped-in music is some R&B station, so I'm taking this all in to Junior Walker's "Shotgun" and then "Good Times" by Chic. Yeah, baby.

Here's something else that's interesting: These kinds of establishments apparently are up to certain other standards. Not saying anything. All of the chairs at my table, for example, were stained. (Orange isn't that good at hiding blotches of soy sauce or who knows what.) My plate and tea cup were chipped more than once; you couldn't miss it. The headwaiter approaches, and he seems like a nice guy, looking good in a jacket and tie with a blue collared shirt. He's really nice, asking me if I want anything in particular. Yes, I say: I'd like Shanghai-style pork and ginger dumplings. He'll get that for me, he says. I can't help but notice that his jacket is soiled, enough so that you can tell even five feet away. He could get it laundered, but maybe he's busy and keeps this one handy at the restaurant. I don't think he minds, and he stops at the table of three Chinese ladies next to me to kibbitz every now and then. They love it and don't seem to mention it. Just saying.

The carts start making their way across the floor with their pork buns and porridge and chicken feet and assorted other delicacies, and the waitress makes an effort to try to translate, with the help of the Chinese ladies. They have a few laughs and don't come up with anything in English. No matter; I know this drill. I pick up a couple things I've had before and some newish things, like chive dumplings and a variation of siu mai that looks like Japanese gyoza. My neighbors giggle. I'm having fun eating the buns with my hands, listening to "1999" followed by Big Boi's "The Way You Move."

The headwaiter stops by a couple times, checking on my teapot, asking "Everything OK here?" in a casual manner. Yes, it is. I end with a special dessert, four green-tea puffs in little crinkle cups, with poppy seeds and paste inside. The ladies approve, going "Waaah!" when they're brought out. I'm sure they're flash-fried, but are not oily at all, capping the steamed indulgences earlier with savory-sweet decadence.

I put a $20 into the tab booklet and head out; the headwaiter gives me a head bob and thanks me again. The hostess downstairs smiles. "How was everything?" Great, I say. See you next time. Bye bye.

Yuck? Dover Sole and Croissant

Thawing a chicken to roast and yet peckish, I take out the last fillet of sole left over from the improvised cioppino the other night. I cut a croissant from Schubert's in half and toast it quick. Topped it with the warmed fillet, which was pan-fried in a little butter and seasoned later with lemon juice. A little taramosalata, and bam!

Very good. Croissants make most things very good.

Review: Little Star

I'll keep this short, as this is a restaurant review without the restaurant. Twice we've had takeout from Little Star, and twice we've peed in our pants over how good it is. Last night: a deep-dish sausage and green pepper, and a thin-crust with chicken, feta and artichoke hearts. We have one slice of deep dish left today, and we're going to fight over who gets it.

Yuck? Popcorn and Salad

We nearly reached the end of our bag of popcorn at lunch today, and I had this bright idea: why not sprinkle the last bits, the small crunchy griebens at the bottom of the bag, over my green salad?

The salad featured canned tuna, red bell pepper, and chick peas. The popcorn was a perfect accompaniment, sort of like bacon bits without the fake pork flavor.

Yuck? Not at all!

Yuck?

Welcome to the Bistro's new irregularly scheduled feature, "Yuck?", in which we combine two tastes that don't normally go great together. The idea comes from my previous post about subbing hummus for butter. It works for lox and tomatoes, but will it spread nicely with sweets? On the face of it, why not? Peanut butter is a salty goo; butter can be salty too.

Feel free to add to the Yuck? ouevre. If you test something out, post it with a Yuck? heading so we know what's coming. We're not turning mayonnaise into foam or weaving pea-shoot nests for our foie gras dumplings, so it's the least we can do to contribute to the literature of culinary experiment. Ready? Here goes.

Hummus + Blueberry jam on toast

The verdict: Tastes surprisingly bland. Instead of the salty and sweet playing off each other as they do when, say, meat and fruit are paired, they seem to cancel, leaving the main sensation one of texture, not taste. And unfortunately, it's not a winning texture. The reason peanut butter (or even cream cheese) works with jam is the toothsome resistance. Hummus has none. Combined with jam, it feels like baby food in the mouth.

Don't Go Get the Butter

No matter how much Marlon insists, there are alternatives. I'm no health freak, but I can see the day coming when my doc has that discussion with me. It's like a birds-and-bees talk with your dad when you're 13, except you're 55 and your doctor is probably younger than you. And instead of sex and girls, it's about salt and saturated fats.

Here's my suggestion: instead of butter on your toast, use hummus. Instead of a bagel with cream cheese, try tahini. (Yes, even with lox. It's good!) These days, most S.F. cafes stock one or the other, so you can indulge outside the house. At the Hugo St. Cafe (no relation to the Bistro), I often opt for a bagel with hummus and tomato.

"But" -- I can see your inner child pouting already -- "what about jam? What about la confiture? You can't spread those on hummus, yuck! Morning won't be the same! Your suggestion cuts off all possibility of sweet morning comfort!" Ah, perhaps not. I'll address this later.

The only problem: hummus and tahini -- I really like the TJ's tahini, by the way -- won't help on the salt front. Just don't tell your doctor.

Taking It From the Bottom

That didn't come out right. What I mean is that I want to reach around and work backwards from my li'l cheat sheet. I could write for about an hour about umami and hanging out with Gary Danko and his art collection and how I did not name-drop the blog. (I was working.) I could take another half-hour or maybe more and say how eye-opening it was to visit the piers at the end of Taylor Street, with dozens of seafood processors and distributors supplying ocean protein to who knows how many people and whether it's a good idea that we eat fish the way we do anyway. Better to dish about the puffed-up jerks in Marin.

I'm dying to get this off my chest: K and I run up to San Rafael's Sol Food to visit our friends Cecily, Jim and their 2-year-old mambo king Colin. (The kid likes salsa music, what can one say.) Business is booming: The corner cafe on 4th is still there, serving takeout like a house afire, and there's now another more-sitdown place a block down on 3rd. As we walk in to get our rice and beans on, I notice there's a letter in the menu box.

It says something along the lines of the following: "Mrs. Hernandez, nice to see that you decided to open a separate restaurant. I've enjoyed your food. But while the green color you've chosen for the exterior may be appropriate for Puerto Rico, it's not appropriate for Marin County. I will no longer patronize your business until you change your color palette. I also will ask my friends not to eat at your restaurant." Signed, "Angelo."

Meanwhile, the line's out the door for the bistec encebollado and plantains fried five ways. The place looks great, the music's hot, the food's on the money. Jim asks me if this is authentic. I say yes. Because it is. Sunday's special, which starts getting served at 4 pm, is arroz con gandules and pasteles.

As for you, Angelo, let me tell you what's appropriate for Puerto Rico: Vete pa'l carajo, comemierda.

The Worst Restaurant Neighborhood -- Explained

I vote for Laurel Village/Presidio Heights. At least on the surface it has the elements you'd expect to sustain lots of good restaurants: walkability, good transportation, and neighbors with plenty of pocket money. There is undoubtedly a market for good food. Check the meat at Bryan's, the shelves and produce bins at Cal-Mart, and the lines at all times of day at Peet's Coffee. This is by and large high-quality stuff, and people in this tony part of town are willing to pay for it.

The neighborhood is also home to plenty of cafes with bites to eat, some of them quite cozy. I'm particular to Cafe Luna on Sac near Presidio and Lo Cubano at the east end of Laurel Village.

So why is the restaurant fare so bleak? Other than Ella's on California and Presidio -- famous for breakfast but, as we found out last year, it deserves a visit for dinner, too -- there is nothing. If you want to sit down, it's either overblown fancy tablecloths (Magic Flute and Spruce, both on Sac) or quasi-fast-food chains (Pasta Pomodoro, Askew Grill, Rigolo -- all three of which are pathetic). The prime location in the JCC, kitty-corner from Ella's, is a cursed space. The most recent attempt there, some sort of Asian fusion thing called 415, died a speedy death. It's a bad sign that other than Ella's, the Italian deli A.G. Ferrari is the best option in the neighborhood.

What's the deal? A few theories: Families. Laurel Village is home to a ton of fashionable moms and their offspring. People who take kids to restaurants want the option of pasta with cheese or grilled chicken skewers. A funky Thai bistro is a bad choice for a cranky toddler and a mom trying to get back into her Sevens. Boring white people. The neighborhood, by my less than scientific appraisal, is overwhelmingly white, rich, skinny and interested in shopping. (See above: fashionable moms.) Not a great formula for fun, funky, adventurous foodstuffs. My neighborhood has its share of cheap franchised eats (even a Pasta Pomodoro), but thanks in part to the student population there's also nearly every ethnic flavor within reach, usually for less than $10. The workers. Most employees in the neighborhood are medical workers. CPMC and UCSF have big campuses, and Sacramento St. is home to half the world's shrinks, it seems. Nurses and doctors who have just finished a grueling shift are not likely to ease into evening over a leisurely meal. They might not even end their shift in the evening. The Inner Sunset has a big influx of med workers, too, but the demographics of those who live here is much different.

Again, my beef is not with the markets of the neighborhood; they're expensive, but it's only sticker shock if you normally shop at TJ's. You wouldn't save much shopping at Safeway over Cal-Mart, methinks. (Feel free to disabuse me of this notion.) What's more, the deli counter at Cal-Mart stocks delectable and difficult-to-find white anchovies.

There are other S.F. neighborhoods with fewer restaurant options, but none so miserably fails to live up to its unspoken promise.

The Worst Restaurant Neighborhood in San Francisco

I vote for Laurel Village/Presidio Heights. I'll explain why a bit later.

Blog List for Holiday Weekend

Here's what I've got in the hopper:

1. My visit with Gary Danko, at Gary Danko’s apartment.

2. Crab-salad sandwich from Alioto’s #8. I stood there at the end of Taylor and realized, "I’ve never been here."

3. Chicken parm last night, fast and furious.

4. How Knocked Up sucked. An L.A. story where people didn’t care about food or pretty much anything? I’ll fit it in somehow.

UPDATE: 5. How could I forget? Had a nice pan-fried piece of cod fish at the sit-down annex of Sol Food, a block down from the original corner counter, and a man named Angelo (Festa? Wouldn't surprise me) penned a letter stating how the color scheme was not appropriate for Marin County. This made my week.

Shot Across the Bouillabaisse

> A cook who is paid $15 per hour at 40 hours per week earns an annual salary of $31,200, while a server earning minimum wage plus the San Francisco median rate of $30 per hour in tips brings home $81,411 per year.

http://tinyurl.com/yv57uf

How the hell is this sustainable? Isn't it counterproductive? The good news is that our food and restaurant customs are spreading like wildfire all over the country. (It's been called our national cuisine, for lack of anything better to call it, and also because that's what it is.)

If we can't swing the prices here, at least we'll be able to enjoy interesting things somewhere else.

Review: Be My Thai Guest

Frequent, er, subscribers to my food rants will remember the gist of this: Thai food is mostly the same ingredients tossed around in different sauces. It has some standouts -- pad Thai, tom kha -- except that everybody serves them the same way. The same could be said, patient friends argue, of pasta at trattorias.

But that grain of truth dissolves given the umbrella of regional styles and flavors in Italian cuisine. (You'd be challenged to find angel hair tossed with, say, a cream sauce.) Saucy Thai dishes in general are gooped up with rice. It doesn't seem to be the most interesting way to eat, and the venues by and large are staid and ugly. To this day I'm puzzled why chicks dig it.

That said, I have a favorite Thai place: the exciting Be My Guest Thai Bistro on Clement. What I think has happened in this case, based on a chat with an apparently senior staffer during my first visit, is that the next generation has come in and made its mark.

The room, first off, is modern with some Sleeper-white walls, furniture, linens and touches; soft, creative lighting; and an actual bar that can stocks beer on tap, a sensible wine list and house cocktails. There's a flat screen with some college game and the tunes are a little techno, but already this is a massive improvement from 95% of the Southeast Asian eateries out there.

As plates arrive, there'll be some variety to their sizes and shapes, and one in particular is oblong and asymmetrical and I love that. In a way it reminds me of what Paul Festa used to do at his place, with the tilting glasses and triangle plates, and that chandelier in the foyer is nothing but incandescents of various sizes.

Kristen's chicken special has traces of a roux from the dredged cuts (mostly thigh meat) of bird, and is tossed with julienned peppers, green onions and cashews. It's not saucy and it's delicious, and still we couldn't finish it. I had the egg noodle soup ($8.95) with roast duck, baby bok choy and wontons, and the broth triggered something.

At first I thought it was hot and sour, but I think it's a Thai soup base with fermented soy. I think. I've got my nose in the bowl, looking for mushrooms or some other component besides the duck braise that's imparting that musty, mysterious earthiness. There must have been a few other unspectacular soups before that have led me to this point. I'm looking forward to giving it another go.

Whether it's Italian, French or Thai, this what I like about bistros: resonant country cooking in a newfangled way.

Review: Lavash

Brand-new joint on Irving in the Inner Sunset: Lavash is next door to L'Avenida and is run by the same guy. Lavash is the food of his youth -- Persian kebabs and salads. We stopped by for lunch and could barely find room for the stroller, as the interior consists of only two tables, a counter and a grill against the far wall on which the staff cooks the kebabs: Chicken, lamb/beef, veggie and shrimp. We sampled everything but the shrimp and enjoyed them all. Nothing spectacular, but that's fine. It was well worth the reasonable prices: the $12 combo plate easily feeds two.

We also dipped into the small but excellent roster of time-honored sides: a raita-like yogurt, a chopped cucumber/tomato/onion salad, and my favorite, a large hunk of feta cheese served with walnuts and fresh herbs.

The owner chatted with us about cabbages and kings, all manner of things: the merits of Bulgarian vs. French feta, the delectable German bakery that was on 9th and Irving when he first came to the neighborhood more than two decades ago, the films of Iranian director Abbas Kurastami, and the pleasure of watching his teenagers reach 18 and suddenly decide they want the food, the language, the culture of their families after childhoods of uber-American immersion.

It's hard to make a tiny space feel hospitable -- the other Middle Eastern place down the street, Yumma's, certainly doesn't go out of its way to do so -- but Mr. L'Avenida Lavash has done it. He has even put out a bottle of wine and shot glasses for those who want a little adult beverage, gratis, with their meals or while they wait for their take-out.

Faux Sonora-style Eggs

This is adapted from El Cholo's Sonoran-style plating. Eggs cooked any which way will do. The secret is in the stacking.

3 scrambled eggs with avocado, tomato and cheese or whatever
2 cups of cooked rice and black beans
chopped spinach
a couple of corn-wheat tortillas from TJ's
hot salsa

First I sautee a shallot in a little olive oil and butter, then make the eggs, throwing in cheese first and then the avocado and tomato once they set a bit.

Blacken the tortillas on the burner a bit, and then set on warmed plates. Spoon around some rice and beans on that base; sprinkle on chopped spinach (if you want to add sour cream, do that here), and then top with the eggs from pan.

Dress with some habanero-lime salsa from TJ's, and you're done. Permutations abound.

The Father of Invention

As most of you know, the Bistro Hugo has a new, very persnickety customer who insists that the kitchen stay open 24-7. In some ways she's not hard to please; as long it comes from a boob, she doesn't really care what she eats.

Any kitchen is delighted to have a patron who sits down and asks for "the usual," I guess, but how many cranky critics need their diapers changed between the appetizer and the main course? Michael Bauer, I'm looking at you.

The adult section of the Bistro has not completely shut down, of course (you thought otherwise?). We've had plenty of outside supplement, but worry not, we haven't gone completely frozen pizza and microwave Indian. (I hope soon to post the recipe for Uncle A-Ron's Spectacular Chili Bomb, secret ingredient: chick peas.) The trick is to take the odds and ends and come up with something that feels new enough to make a sleep deprived home chef feel worthy again, even for a brief moment.

We had a small piece of leftover lamb in the fridge the other night. I chopped it into rough bite-size pieces, trimmed some but not all the fat, and sauteed it in olive oil with half a shallot, a splash of red wine, and a can of cannellini beans (I recommend the small, firm S&W brand). We served it with its own juice over couscous, and with a small glass of red wine and a couple candles on the table, it was a brief respite from the 3-hour diaper-breastfeed-sleep cycle that our newest Hugonaut has established.

I love cannellini as what our friends at Chow call a "cheater" food: an easy pantry resource that embellishes all manner of dishes. I've tossed a can into soups, stews, pastas, and salads. As with all canned beans, it's better to give them a quick rinse under cold water before using. Note: The TJ's version are too big and get too mushy for my taste.

And poof! There was Plouf

On a warm October night under clear skies, serendipity and a touch of glamour enveloped Belden Place, the all-restaurant alley that serves up European fare in a seamless indoor/outdoor culinary experience unlike any other in San Francisco. Business dinner at Plouf with the crew from work yielded an impressive light entree of opakapaka, which if I heard the waiter correctly is a type of butterfish. A delicate parsnip cream was nestled underneath, with a handful of crispy fried parsnips draped on top. Taste and portion size hit the spot. We paired dinner with a bottle of sauvignon blanc for the four of us. (Thanks, boss.)

I was glad I didn't wuss out and get the ravioli. I'm not that adventurous when it comes to seafood, so very happy I didn't miss out on the butterfish dish's medley of flavors. Just when I thought it couldn't get any better my dessert choice had me practically licking the plate: Banana profiteroles! And none too syrupy to overpower the senses.

Wish we had a few more Belden Place-like alleys to choose from in these parts!

Poz-sole

Turns out that both spellings are acceptable for the hominy soup, posole or pozole. Here's what I made tonight, based on the recipe from the Santa Fe School of Cooking:

1-1/2 pounds posole, picked over and rinsed
Sofrito: lots of onions, peppers, garlic in a little vegetable oil
Small can of tomato sauce to finish the sofrito
1 quart of chicken stock
1 heaping tablespoon of Chimayo-style red chile powder,
of medium intensity
1/2 teaspoon coriander
Salt
A few cubes of frozen cilantro, from TJ's
Optional: 4 or 5 chicken-chorizo sausages, also from TJ's

This goes a little like the dried beans: Start with your posole in a big pot, cover with 3 inches of water, boil for two or three hours. Given that I started at 4 in the afternoon and wanted to eat by 7, I started the hominy off with some boiling water from the tea kettle. Basically you want to simmer this grain good, covered, till the kernels are soft and beginning to burst. You may need to pour in more water, or maybe not.

Separately, soften up on medium-high heat the onions and peppers. (I used one red and one pasilla. Also had some extra white zucchini just to get it out of the fridge, but this is unorthodox.) A little salt and ground pepper are good here, of course. Add the garlic, and once it's fragrant, stir in a small can of tomato sauce. You get these shorties for like 60 cents at Safeway and can help you out in many pinches, aside from making sofritos.

Once you've gotten this going for a while, turn off the pan's heat. Check your posole on the other burner; if they're OK or you're just impatient, combine the sofrito in the pot. Now it's time for the stock and spices: chile powder, coriander. Taste it 30 minutes later and then salt the soup. You should feel that sweet heat from the Chimayo chile, which is considered the finest in northern New Mexico.

You can let the soup reduce and thicken some more, or not, but just before you kill the heat pop in the cubes of frozen cilantro. One last stir and you're done. Remember to chew your grits.

Optional: Cut some chicken-chorizo sausages into rounds and throw them in to the hot broth before the cilantro. They'll cook through in a few minutes. Slices of boneless chicken breasts are fine as well, and cook even faster.

Review: Hotei

Neighborhood standbys are tough to gauge. You learn to love, or if not to love, to live with the shortcomings, and soon you're so grateful there's a place you can fall back on you haven't noticed there's a serious problem. When it becomes to much to ignore, you feel bad pointing it out, like you've aged a bit and finally noticed that your favorite kindly uncle has chronic halitosis.

I've always liked Hotei even while acknowledging their noodle broths were too salty. It's a place to get Ebisu sushi without waiting two hours at Ebisu, and they provide a large bowl of hot noodle soup -- soba readily substituted for udon -- for a moderate price.

But our dinner there the other night, a night on which we didn't want pizza or Thai or Vietnamese or brochettes at the new Bistro 9, reminded me of Mifune, the place in Japantown. In other words, slapdash food -- the veggie pot stickers were particularly bad -- indifferent service, a perfunctoriness that feels like burnout. And yes, the same overly salty broth.

Speaking of the neighborhood, my man Wilson at Yummy Yummy got a shout-out in the Chron's Bargain Bites. OK my friend!

Review: The Pizza Place on Noriega

As promised by The Fanch, Sunday night we staked out the latest neighborhood pizza spot with a bit of buzz, the Pizza Place on Noriega (yes, that's the full name).

The pies didn't match the heights of Pizzetta 211, still the banner holder of Fancy-Pies-in-the-Hood. To be fair, that's not what The PPoN is aiming for. Call it sophisticated dude-pizza, perhaps, with names of pies like "The Spicoli" and "Meat Head." No quail egg and lamb-mint sausage on the toppings list.

We had the Rotten Robby and built a second from the basic margherita, adding spinach and caramelized onions. It's thin crust, and the toppings are fresh and generous. But the crust left us disappointed. It was thin but not particularly crispy or toothsome, more a white-bread version of a thin crust. And a couple of the toppings didn't work; the pesto on the Robby was administered in blobs; catching one in a bite was too much pesto at once. On the other pie, the caramelized onions were too cloying for my tastes, and, like the pesto, unevenly spread. A more careful hand in the kitchen would do wonders. As fellow Bistrovian BrO never fails to remind: "Attention must be paid!"

We also ordered two apps, a large mixed salad and roasted cauliflower: Well done, nicely dressed, and generous portions both.

It's nearly at the beach, Noriega and 46th, and when we walked in much of the clientele were young adults with hoodies and cold-weather knit caps drinking draft beer at the bar: a fine apres-surf setting. The room is big, full of fun (often winkingly bad) art, and high-ceilinged. It's partitioned in two by a wall that allows the kitchen/bar and dining sides to feel each other's presence but blocks some of the bar noise from the eating area. Because of its high ceilings and, as I discovered half way through the meal, an open skylight, the room was also chilly, a bit of a turn-off for what's otherwise a friendly, funky joint.

Worth going back? At less than $20 a person (two of the four in our party had a glass of wine; no dessert), it was the right price, much more reasonable than what you'd pay at Pizzetta or Gialina. And I really liked the room, chill notwithstanding. (Next time, wear the ski cap!) With a few tweaks, or perhaps knowing the strengths of the menu, it would be worth another visit. Perhaps we can ask them to leave the crust in a bit longer.

From Kristen: Soup for You

When Anthony and I embarked on a pork and pink-bean soup with corn-muffin croutons this weekend, I had modest expectations. I have long lacked kitchen confidence, a side effect of my general laziness toward cooking and a chronic lack of imagination in front of a full refrigerator. But with the changing of the seasons has come a roaring appetite -- not just for food but for the making of it.

I found the recipe in this month's Food and Wine magazine, and pretty soon I  was mixing batter for the ultra-easy Johnny cake that would provide the croutons. Then I chopped onion and garlic while A got started with the bacon strips. We softened up the basics and threw in a little green and orange bell pepper before adding the maple syrup, which pleased my East Coast sensibilities.

Soon came the beans, browned bacon and chicken stock. Anthony went off recipe and tossed in some boneless chicken. A garnish of chopped red onions topped it off. I'm delighted to report the end result bore a close resemblance to the picture on the page! [An example is at right. -- Ed.] We lapped up several bowls' worth as if we were famished farmers working the plow all day. Ah, the nostalgia of harvest.

Only thing I would change next time is I'd cut the amount of bacon in half -- less of the strong taste and animal fat go a long way.